Brace Yourself for the 'Bloodrayne 2' Teaser

April 29, 2007 (cinematical / Scott Weinberg) -- Not since the days of Billy the Kid Meets Dracula and Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter has there been a promise of a Western / Horror amalgam as outrageous as Uwe Boll's BloodRayne 2. (It really is amazing how quickly Boll churns these things out. Far as I can tell, he's got Dungeon Siege, Postal, Seed and BloodRayne 2 finished or nearly finished. God helps us all.)

Bloodrayne 2But this one seems to have it all: Vampire vs. cowboys, horror mixed with action (inevitably mixed with a lot of comedy), Michael Pare as Pat Garrett, Zack Ward as a vampiric Billy the Kid (pictured), and even a brand-new Rayne! Natassia Malthe replaces Kristanna Loken as the titular terror tracker.

Someone over at Boll's production company recently sent a plot synopsis over to the gorehounds at Bloody-Disgusting.com , and I can tell it comes from one of Boll's people because the text is sprinkled with sloppy grammar and spelling errors. (Could Boll be so prolific as to pen his own plot synopses? Based on the mild mangling of the English language, I believe it.) I'll paste the whole synopsis in after the jump (because it's pretty hilarious), but the short version is this: BloodRayne and Garrett do battle with the vampire Billy the Kid and his blood-sucking cronies. What, you expected Oscar Wilde?

No word yet on when BloodRayne 2 will be available for our ceaseless amusement, but I can't freaking wait for Boll to unleash his newest flicks already. I'm long past the point where I don't like the guy anymore, and I look forward to his flicks like an unkind pet owner looks forward to feeding his puppy beer and then watching the animal stumble into walls and trip over things. Few things in the world are as reliable as a Uwe Boll movie. Reliably, wonderfully bad, that is. Until BR2 hits your Walmart's bargain bin, check out this teaser trailer.

Official (and unedited) BloodRayne 2 Plot Synopsis

"Newton Piles (CHRIS COPPOLA), a reporter on assignment for the Chicago Chronicle, has come to Deliverance, Montana, to write tales of the Wild West. But until the railway comes through next week, Deliverance is the quietest town on the frontier. All of that is about to change. Led by Billy the Kid (ZACK WARD), a hoard of evil cowboys goes on a rampage, slaughtering townspeople and rounding up children. Billy spares Newton's life, promising to give him the greatest story ever told.

Behind the decimation of Deliverance is the diabolical and out of control Billy the Kid (ZACK WARD). A 357-year old Transylvanian vampire, Billy is hell-bent on creating his own kingdom in the New World. Using the railway, he is building an army of cowboy vampires to take over the country. But Billy meets his match in Rayne (NATASSIA MALTHE). The product of the unnatural union of a vampire and a human, Rayne is a Dhampir: she wields all the powers of a vampire, yet none of the weaknesses. Born over a century earlier in Romania, Rayne has been hunting vampires for a long time. Now she has her sites set on Billy.

Rayne rides through the woods and comes upon a farmhouse where, instead of a reunion with old friends, she discovers what's left of their ravaged bodies. Outside the house, a man is waiting for her, and before he can level his shotgun, she has unsheathed one of her swords and points its tip at his crotch. Thus Rayne meets the legendary Pat Garrett (MICHAEL PARE). The two part ways, but they will meet again.

In Deliverance, Rayne discovers a town overrun with vampire cowboys and she does her best to extinguish them with silver bullets. But the town has gone bad and the vampire sheriff (JOHN NOVAK) condemns her to the gallows. Rayne manages to escape, but while on the run she is shot.

Pat Garret rescues her and she tells him she needs blood to heal. He cuts his arm to indulge her, and she almost devours him. He breaks free from her clutches and Rayne is as good as new. Like Rayne, Garret is a member of Brimstone, the vampire hunting society, and they need to find new initiates. Thus, they recruit two unlikely members for their posse: a dishonest preacher (MICHAEL EKLUND) and low life Franson (MICHAEL TEIGEN).

The old west will never be the same again when Pat Garret, BloodRayne and the Brimstone posse ride into Deliverance for one hell of a showdown against Billy the Kid and his evil army of vampire cowboys. A tale of how the West was won, BloodRayne 2: Deliverance has intrigue, secret societies, Gattling guns, heroes, villains and vampires!"

Fanged Films

USA, 2012
Dark Shadows promo poster (c) Warner Bros.
Germany, 2000
Der Kleine Vampir / De Kleine Vampier

From the Library

As the 20th century evolved, rational man turned to science to explain mythology that had pervaded for thousands of years. How could a man be mistaken for a vampire? How could someone appear to have been the victim of a vampire attack? Science, in time, came back with answers that may surprise you.Anemia
A million fancies strike you when you hear the name: Nosferatu!N O S F E R A T Udoes not die!What do you expect of the first showing of this great work?Aren't you afraid? - Men must die. But legend has it that a vampire, Nosferatu, 'der Untote' (the Undead), lives on men's blood! You want to see a symphony of horror? You may expect more. Be careful. Nosferatu is not just fun, not something to be taken lightly. Once more: beware.- Publicity for Nosferatu in the German magazine Buhne und Film, 1922  

Drawn to Vamps?

Vol. 1 No. 1
Blood Feud
Vol. 1 No. 7
The Vampires Strike