One-liners

 

What do you call a werewolf/vampire who cuts himself shaving?

SELF DESTRUCTIVE

 

What's fast food to a vampire?

A GUY WITH REALLY HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE

 

Why did the Vampire subscribe to Vogue?

HE HEARD IT HAD GREAT CIRCULATION

 

Why don't vamps like Red Cross?

THEY CAN'T STAND THE COMPETITION

 

What's something to keep secret from a vampire?

DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME.

 

Why did the dyslexic vampire starve to death?

HE COULDN'T FIND ANY D-L-O-O-B

 

Why did the Polish vampire go to the dentist?

TO GET RID OF HIS OVER BITE.

 

Why aren't the 2 Sicilian vampires talking?

THEYRE INVOLVED IN A BLOOD FEUD

 

Why did the Polish vampire starve to death?

HE KEPT BITING HIS OWN LIP

 

Why did the vampire call an Asian mortuary?

HE WANTED CHINESE TAKE OUT.

 

Why didn't the Irish vampire drink the victims blood?

IT DIDN'T COME IN A 6 PACK

 

 

Submitted by: claudia@inch.com


 

If Glenn Miller was a vampire & he had a phone number what would it be?

TRANSLYVANIA 6, 500.

 

If Carly Simon was a vampire, what would her song be?

YOU'RE SO VEIN.

 

If Tony Bennett was a vampire, what would his song be?

I LEFT HER HEART IN SAN FRANCISCO.

 

Whos a vampire's favorite newspaper publisher?

WILLIAM RANDOLPH HEARSE.

 

Why are teenage vampires a pain in the neck?

THEY REFUSE TO CLEAN THEIR TOMBS.

 

What would a surfer vampire say?

YOU REALLY SUCK, DUDE.

 

What does a vampire who can't face the truth call himself?

A PLASMAHOLIC.

 

What did a vampire go to Scotland?

HE WANTED TO FIND THE LOCK NECK MONSTER.

 

A vampire's favorite poster?

TAKE A BIG BITE OUT OF LIFE.

 

What's the toughest part of a vampire's Thanksgiving dinner?

EVERYONE FIGHTS FOR THE NECK.

 

How can you tell a lazy vampire?

HE USES LEECHES.

 

Why is Dracula so respected?

HE'S A HIGHER BLOOD COUNT.

 

Why don't vampires play basketball?

THEY HATE TO DRIBBLE.

 

Why didn't the vampire make it as a lab technician?

HE KEPT DRINKING ALL THE BLOOD SAMPLES.

 

What is the vampire's motto?

DO UNTO OTHERS.

 

What do you get when you cross Lee Iacocca with Count Dracula?

AUTOEXEC.BAT

 

Submitted by LamiaAnn@aol.com

 

Fanged Films

From the Library

As the 20th century evolved, rational man turned to science to explain mythology that had pervaded for thousands of years. How could a man be mistaken for a vampire? How could someone appear to have been the victim of a vampire attack? Science, in time, came back with answers that may surprise you.Anemia
A million fancies strike you when you hear the name: Nosferatu!N O S F E R A T Udoes not die!What do you expect of the first showing of this great work?Aren't you afraid? - Men must die. But legend has it that a vampire, Nosferatu, 'der Untote' (the Undead), lives on men's blood! You want to see a symphony of horror? You may expect more. Be careful. Nosferatu is not just fun, not something to be taken lightly. Once more: beware.- Publicity for Nosferatu in the German magazine Buhne und Film, 1922  

Drawn to Vamps?