Top 15 Complaints of Modern-Day Vampires

15. Grunge look makes it tough to tell living from the undead.

14. Nutrasweet or not, fat-free blood tastes like crap.

13. Hard to get a decent puncture with latex on your fangs.

12. Three Words: Daylight Savings Time

11. Can't enjoy a meal at Burger King without some redneck yelling, "Look Ma! It's Elvis!"

10. After 45 years of Communist rule, it's impossible to find clean, uncontaminated Transylvanian soil for bottom of coffin.

09. After 100 years of trying, still can't score with Elvira.

08. No bat is safe with Ozzy Ozbourne around.

07. With all those crucifix-wearing Madonna clones, junior highs are suddenly off-limits.

06. No warm blood for miles around DC.

05. Exhausted from all those Calvin Klein photo shoots.

04. No small task beating F. Lee Bailey to a warm body.

03. Buxom wenches of old have been replaced by aerobicized "hardbodies."

02. Baboon heart makes everything taste gamey.

And the #1 complaint of Modern-day Vampires:

01. Sick and tired of being mistaken for Keith Richards.


Submitted by: [Courtesty of]

Fanged Films

USA, 1981
Love at First Gulp
USA / ITALY, 2015

From the Library

As the 20th century evolved, rational man turned to science to explain mythology that had pervaded for thousands of years. How could a man be mistaken for a vampire? How could someone appear to have been the victim of a vampire attack? Science, in time, came back with answers that may surprise you.Anemia
A million fancies strike you when you hear the name: Nosferatu!N O S F E R A T Udoes not die!What do you expect of the first showing of this great work?Aren't you afraid? - Men must die. But legend has it that a vampire, Nosferatu, 'der Untote' (the Undead), lives on men's blood! You want to see a symphony of horror? You may expect more. Be careful. Nosferatu is not just fun, not something to be taken lightly. Once more: beware.- Publicity for Nosferatu in the German magazine Buhne und Film, 1922  

Drawn to Vamps?

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Blood Suckers [Monsters, Part 3]